Lull

GFCF Kid said to me yesterday: you haven't had much to post to the GFCF blog have you, you can't exactly put all the Rita's you've been having on there.

How's that for some truth.

Rita's, for those who don't know, serves up frozen custard and Italian ices. You can even get them combined, in a gelati (my fave is vanilla custard with mango ice), and it's killer.

Being GFCF has fallen by the wayside, as has cooking. Mostly, because I have many interests and I can be fickle. I've been reading more and my knitting has seen a big spike in activity lately. Partly, because of the weather. It was a very hot and humid July and even with a window AC unit in the kitchen, I have not been inspired to spend much time in there.

Falling off the GFCF wagon starts with stepping off. Usually it's a special occasion of some sort. Like going out to eat at Annisa with Bead Girl when she flew in from Oakland for a visit. But, it can also be a moment so benign, like an impromptu trip to Rita's, on a still-sultry-from-the-day summer evening, with the family.

Regardless, what happens next is always the same. I hear the keening whistle of the gluten and dairy express. It comes barreling towards me, swoops me up, barely slowing down, and there I am on the train. This train will not be making any local stops. I may as well sit down and enjoy the ride.

Initially my body is distinctly uncomfortable. My stomach hurts or burns in the morning when I wake up. My shit really does stink. I feel sluggish. I am irritable. But, then, my body adjusts and doesn't feel so bad. I bloat (which when you're used to being round and curvy is easier to not see) and my mind gets fuzzy. Edges soften and blur in a way that I don't even realize I am no longer feeling or experiencing clearly.

I used to feel bad about myself when the pendulum would inevitably make its swing. I would judge myself, deem myself lazy or idiotic or self-sabotaging.

Now, I am almost watching from outside my body. Not as harmful as getting down on myself, but I want to reconnect...reintegrate.

I'll be back here soon. No doubt.